Out of the Dark
by LAIsobel
Summary: Missing scenes from the last couple of episodes story mostly about Sully. And as I'm just that hopeless there's of course Sully and Andy vibe. I just wished we got to see more about him during the end of second season. Little something to pass the time till we get to see them next time. Rating just in case.
1. Hospital

_So just a little something that's been bugging me for a while. Might be a bit out of character but well sue me :D I am so worried and excited about the brief mention of Station 19 on next episode of Grey's that I just can't help it._

_And thanks **you know who** for the shared hype! You rock._

_**Spoilers** – up to the end of second season_

_**Timeline** – set into the last episodes of second season, some parts are taken directly from the transcript, rest is all me and my romantic soul.  
_

* * *

**OUT OF THE DARK**

When they started this day neither of them thought they would find themselves all gathered in the hospital private waiting area with their friend, the Chief, lying on his death bed. That was just too crazy. And yet it was the truth. Andy stood and watched Sullivan sitting in that armchair, totally lost in thought, she could see the tension in his body and there was one part of her that wanted to offer comfort to him.

It was of course hard on all of them, Ripley liked to spend time with the crew of 19 as he often admitted but on Vic and Sullivan this situation had to be absolutely insane. Of course, Andy was still trying to grasp the fact that her friend kept this relationship a secret but given the circumstances, she could understand. She just hoped they would be able to help her through whatever's been coming their way. But apparently Montgomery knew so at least Vic had a friend to talk to. Those two have always been close, even with the time after the Skyscraper fire where she couldn't forgive him for telling Warren to save that girl and leave him on that stairwell to die.

Andy was watching Sullivan though. He seemed so lost and so sad and she couldn't even imagine how hard this had to be on him. Ripley used to be his best friend till he sort of accidentally killed his wife and their paths parted. She knew a lot about that history as Sullivan told her bits and pieces over their shared meals and coffees and during workouts when he felt comfortable enough to tell her something so personal. He spoke about Ripley as well and Andy could tell that he was on the road to forgiving him. They were getting close again and now he was about to lose him.

Sullivan considered her his friend, he had told her so and truth to be told, she was getting more and more comfortable around him, spending time with him. She didn't really want to admit it but she liked him and right now she just wanted to comfort him. Maybe it wasn't the best idea as he was still her Captain but damned he was her friend and he was in pain and as far as she knew, he didn't have such close friendship with anyone else from the crew. He looked so lost.

And so Andy walked over to him, put one of her hands on his shoulder and when he looked up at her, she knew she just did the right thing. When their hands touched on his knee, she just wanted to let him know that it was okay, that she was there and she was not going to leave him. She saw the tears in the corners of his eyes and the deep pain he was feeling and it took all her willpower not to hug him right there.

Sullivan was so surprised that she came over to him that he didn't even know what to say. But as their hands touched and moved, caressing each other in silent comfort, he realized he didn't have to say anything. She knew. She understood. And she was there as a friend to help him get through this.

He just said goodbye to his best friend. To someone he used to love in a way but ended up hating for so long. He couldn't grasp the whole thing. They were all there in that fire. He was the first one with Herrera, so why Luke?

He looked up at Andy but she was still there, strong and solid, offering all the comfort she could at that moment. She was safe and sound as were all his people, they all got checked out. So why Luke? That was so unfair.

Going to that room to say goodbye was as hard as it was when he watched his wife leave him. He wasn't good at this. He couldn't do this. That's exactly why he couldn't get – and shouldn't get close to anyone, because he just couldn't take the pain. Telling Luke they were okay was the best he could come up with at that moment but it was not enough. It couldn't be enough. It would never be enough. How could it be?

They were firefighters so of course they had to anticipate something like this. And yet…

Just when he felt like they were getting close again, they talked about him and Vic and how Luke would screw up and that Jennifer liked her. Luke was teasing him for being the lonely wolf and that he should look around and stop being so worried about caring for someone. Little talks over coffees when Luke visited the station but he would never forget those.

Sully squeezed Andy's hand and she smiled at him in reassurance. Little she knew that he was thinking about the last thing he said to Luke before he closed to door and walked back here to get Hughes so she could say her goodbye.

_"Hey Sully…"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"At least I won't give you hard time about women." Luke tried to joke. Sully chuckled and looked at him. Ripley tried to read his expression and that it dawned on him._

_"There is someone already." He said with a weak smile._

_"No."_

_"Okay, tell me. Please. I need to know."_

_"Luke…"_

_"I don't have the time for you to chicken out, Sully." Ripley joked again._

_"Yes. I think there might be someone. But it's so stupid." Sully admitted, his hand still at the door knob._

_"Like me falling in love with Hughes?" Luke asked and sounded so weak that Sully knew he had to go and get her before it was too late._

_"Exactly."_

_"What?"_

_"She's from the department. I feel something… it's just so…" Sully didn't know how to finish the sentence but his friend just smiled._

_"Name?" Luke asked with a gleam in his eyes and so Sully told him. Luke grinned and even had a tear in his eyes._

_"I wish I could be there to see that happening. She's great."_

_"I know."_

_"Don't screw it up." Luke said and closed his eyes as he was tired. Sully got back, squeezed his hand again._

_"I'll do my best." He said and left with one last glance. It was time for his best friend's fiancée to come to his room._

And so now he was holding Andy's hand and wished this day never happened. Hughes was with Luke, she was with him during his last moments and he knew it would break her into pieces.

"Listen, about Hughes…" Sullivan said to Andy.

"We've already talked about it with others. We've got it covered."

"She'll need some time."

"Yeah, we'll give her time alone but we're not leaving her alone." Andy said and Sully knew what she meant. They would give her the space but she wouldn't be alone.

"What about you?" Andy asked him and he was touched and surprised by that question.

"I'll probably help Jennifer. She's… she'll be…" And he couldn't finish.

"You know you can call if you need anything, right?" Andy said after a moment of hesitation, not knowing if it wasn't too much.

But before he could answer her Dr. Pierce came to tell them it would be over soon and so they left the room and stood at the corridor. Maggie came back to the Chief's room only to see Vic Hughes coming out of there, not paying attention to anyone and anything, just wanting to disappear.

Jennifer stood by there and watched, tears streaming down her face, her heart broken in pieces.

"Jennifer…" Maggie took her hand and walked away with her.

The whole space fell silent, people not really believing what just happened. Crew of 19 was very emotional and some couldn't really hold back tears. Montgomery followed Vic but she just told him she needed to be alone and that she would go to the Station. She didn't want to go home. And so he let her walk away and let others know as they agreed before.

Andy and Maya looked around and saw the confusion on faces of everyone who stood there and didn't know what to do.

"Dad." Andy called her father.

"Can you handle them?" She asked and as he noticed how shaken she was from the situation, he agreed. And so he talked to the firefighters and let them spread the word to leave the hospital and tell others. Soon the corridor was clear.

"We're going to the station." Miller told Andy and Maya.

"You go, I'll meet you there." Andy said as she had to check something first. They nodded and with a swift hug from her father, she walked away.

She saw all her friends, she saw the crew and other people but she didn't see Sullivan. She didn't see him leave and as he was probably waiting somewhere for Jennifer she could only imagine the state he had to be in.

Still crying and not being able to stop it, she walked back to the private waiting area where they waited before. She opened the door and there he was. Sitting back in that armchair, elbows on his knees, head in the palms of his hands and Andy saw all the way from the door that he was broken. Closing the door softly she walked over to him.

He looked up to see who it was, putting his hand on the armchair trying not to go nuts. It broke her heart to see his tearful eyes as he tried to stay strong but couldn't really do it.

"Everyone is leaving."

"Hughes?"

"We've got her." She told him and stopped just a step away from him. She had no idea about what to do.

"I'm sorry." She said then and he knew she understood him.

"Did you get a chance to tell him what you needed?" Andy asked and Sullivan nodded.

"Yeah, we… we talked. We…" He couldn't continue and as Andy couldn't think of anything else, she stepped closer to him and then even more till she was standing right in front of him.

"I'm here." She said then and he just moved his head, buried his face into her stomach and she held him as hard she could. Soon she felt his shoulders shaking in grief and she stopped trying to stop her own tears. This was just too awful, too much. In a minute he put his arms around her and pulled her even closer. And she let him.

She tried to tell herself she was doing it for him but there was a part of her that was taking comfort from it too. She refused to analyze it so she just went with it.

Neither could tell how long they stayed like that but at some point he regained some control and his grip wasn't so tight anymore. Andy still held him although without that force. Now they were both silent in their grief and lost in their emotions.

Only when the door opened and Jennifer walked in, Andy looked at her direction and felt a bit embarrassed. Jennifer was a mess, had a folder in her hand and when she saw those two, she just smiled through her tears.

Luke was worried about three things, three people. About her, about Vic and about Sully. The rest of the world be damned but about these he worried till the end. And so she promised him she wouldn't let Vic go through it alone, she was family after all. And when he asked, she also promised to keep an eye on Sully. Luke was concerned about his friend hiding in his grief and leaving, going to the dark spot where he used to be after losing Claire. But as Jennifer saw him now, hugging Herrera, she knew that she had one thing less to worry about.

Jennifer was exhausted like hell and she couldn't even stand anymore and Andy noticed. She slowly withdrew her arms and stepped back. Sullivan looked up into her eyes, absolutely at loss about what to say. Then he noticed Jennifer and with one last glance at Andy he got up and walked over to her.

"Where's Vic?"

"At the station. We're keeping eye on her."

"Thank you." Jennifer said and tears kept on flowing from her eyes.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Andy said before leaving the room.

* * *

_A/N okay, enough or more till the end of season two?_


	2. Station

_Okay so let's get on with it :)_

* * *

Sully held Jennifer in his arms for a moment. She was exhausted but frankly, so was he. He didn't know what to do or what to say. She just looked up at him.

"Can you take me home? I need to change from these clothes."

"Yeah, sure." He answered. He would do anything for her at that point.

"I got a folder from the doctor. And I just got a call from someone in the department, I can't remember the name."

"Already?" He asked and she just shrugged.

"Robert.."

"What?"

"Can you help me handle it?"

"Of course, Jen. Whatever you need."

"I'm glad you say so because I already told that man to send it all to you." She said and despite everything he smiled a little at her.

"Let's go." He said and with his arm still around her they walked out of the hospital. The halls were empty and they were both glad for it. They didn't need any more people looking at them.

Sully drove over to Jennifer's house and waited in the living room while she changed. He had a couple of calls to make so he did. It was difficult for him to grasp it but he actually felt like some of the weight he felt in the hospital had been lifted from his shoulders. That simple hug… wow. He knew he considered Andy his friend outside the station but it surprised him to the core of his soul that he shared his grief with her so openly and yet so intimately. They were alone there and he held her for dear life and she held back.

He felt like he should have said something before she left but he was so shocked that he couldn't come up with anything. With Jennifer there everything seemed not enough. He wished he could talk to Andy now but knew it was not the time.

Jennifer came from the bedroom in clean clothes, took the folder from the coffee table and nodded at him.

"Where's Vic?"

"At the station. With others." He told her.

"Can we go there, please?" Jennifer asked.

"You sure you want to do it now?" He was concerned.

"Yeah."

"Okay." He agreed and drove her over there. On their way he told her about his phone calls and that he already had everything in his mailbox. Jennifer was glad he was helping her because she probably wouldn't handle it on her own.

"Robert."

"Yeah?" He asked just as he parked his car outside the Station.

"Please tell me you're not going to…" She couldn't finish. There were fresh tears in her eyes.

"Run away again?" He supplied and she nodded.

"No. I'm not. I promise." He said and squeezed her hand.

"Come on, let's go to my office and I'll find Hughes."

And so they went inside to the office, he let Jennifer sit down and found Hughes sitting in the beanery alone. Outside the beanery were Miller with Montgomery though, silently standing by her in case she needed them.

"Sir?"

"Jennifer is in my office." He said and it was actually self-explanatory. He walked to the beanery and asked Hughes to come with him. She came, no questions asked. It was actually scary that she was so lost in her own world but damn he could understand, he's been there, done that. But knowing her friends would stand by her no matter what he was sure that she would make it through this better and stronger than he did. She won't let it destroy her. Or so he hoped. Once she passed the denial of course.

Jennifer wanted to get up and give her a hug but Hughes just sat down and was all silent. Sully knew it was up to him. He printed out all he got from the department so far and had it on the table. He knew he shouldn't get emotional, he would probably end up a mess himself. So he knew he had to stay focused on the task at hand.

"When a Fire Chief dies, the department spares no expense on the funeral. Vehicle options range from a basic vehicle to a fire engine caisson. Bagpipers are common. The bell service is a special tradition that we some..." He wanted to continue listing the things he knew by heart but Hughes couldn't take it anymore. It was just too much.

Lucas just died and she still couldn't believe it. She wanted him to come back through those doors behind her with a smile and tell her he would take the vacation days to be with her. She just waited for him to call and tell her he was sorry for being late. She … she couldn't quite understand the concept of the whole thing so far because she was in shock. She was supposed to spend her life with him, not hold him in her arms when he took his last breath.

"All of it. He'd want all of it. He should have it all. Excuse me." She said and she needed to get away. She couldn't be there, listening to them talking about his funeral. She just couldn't. And so she left, tears in her eyes, her heart broken to million pieces, the pain so big she was numb all over.

Andy was just on the stairs when Vic ran away from the office. So she walked there and saw Sullivan as he was just standing up, probably wanting to follow her. But she also noticed Jennifer sitting across him.

When their eyes met she was frozen to the spot. Did something change between them after the hospital? Or not? Taking a breath she knew that whatever it was that she felt, it had to wait.

"We've got her." She just said.

"Thank you." Sully replied and she knew it was the best she could get from him. He was so raw in his pain she needed to get away.

And so she looked around and found Vic on the top of the engine. She texted everyone else to let them know. She debated whether to text Sullivan but decided not to. He had enough on his plate already. He had Jennifer to take care of.

Andy lied next to Vic with everyone else from the crew, held her, let her cry and be silent, they were all there together, silent support, shoulder to lean on, arms to embrace. They were all there for her.

She felt a bit bad though because in the middle of all that she kept on thinking about Sullivan. He was hurting too and badly given what she witnessed in the hospital. But she was sure Jennifer would be with him. They've known each other for a long time so of course they would support each other through this. But still there was a part of her that wanted to comfort him, one part of her that cared about him a bit more than she was willing to admit even to herself.

She had to leave that hospital waiting room when Jennifer came. She had to go before she would say something stupid or make him feel stupid. She knew they sort of crossed a line back there but who would care? They needed that moment, that little supportive moment of grief and trust. He trusted her, he let her see his emotions, he wore his heart on his sleeve and she was there, he was falling into a dark place and she was there to catch him. And holding him brought her sense of tranquility.

She couldn't explain it, couldn't describe it. She was just glad that she was there when he needed her and that he was there when she needed him too, although she didn't know it at that time.

Jennifer and Sullivan left the office together. She asked him if he could stay with her that night and he agreed. He just took his travel bag from his office so he would have some spare clothes. He already made arrangements for his absence at the Station as he knew he wouldn't be coming in the next day at least. The night will be rough, he knew. But the morning will be crushing as both him and Jennifer would get to live to see another day but Luke wouldn't. He knew that feeling. And he hated it.

Jennifer sat down on the couch and he brought her tea. He asked before if she wanted something stronger than tea but she didn't.

"I don't know what to do, Robert." She admitted.

"Just take it one step at a time." He replied.

"I want to talk about him and yet I don't."

"I know." He said and she knew he meant it. He did know.

"He was sorry, you know? About Claire. It crushed him." She said then knowing that this was one of the most painful topics there could ever be. But she needed this out in the open.

"I know."

"Did you…"

"Forgive him? Yes. A long time ago. I just didn't realize it till it was too late." He admitted.

"Tell me…" She asked, settling into the cushions, exhaustion taking over.

"I was so angry at him, for everything. It stuck with me no matter where I went or what I did. I couldn't get rid of that feeling. And when he called to ask me to come back to Seattle, that they needed a new Captain at 19, I couldn't believe him."

"You didn't want to come back."

"No, I did. I just wasn't sure about it. But his reasoning was good, he told me about what happened at 19 and that they needed a change, fresh start. I was good at that, I've done that before at several stations."

"He didn't even tell me you were coming back at first."

"I can hardly blame him. The first weeks, well months weren't exactly good."

"What changed?" Jennifer asked, her eyes watery but no tears left to cry that evening. She was drained to the bone.

"He had a fight with Hughes. He came to me, brought burgers and fries and wanted to talk."

"He missed you. You were his best friend." Jennifer said. Sullivan smiled sadly and wiped his eyes.

"I didn't want to talk to him, you know? I was afraid. But then something changed and we talked. And when I figured out he was talking about Hughes, I gave him such a hard time."

"You and me both." Jennifer admitted. "I didn't want him getting involved with a firefighter."

"Well I told him I would protect her and not him."

"I think he expected nothing less." Jennifer said softly and Sully knew she was right.

"We talked and they resolved it and he started to come over more often for coffees and to talk about incident reports."

"He told me you two were getting on friendly terms again."

"Yeah, we were."

"You changed, Robert. He saw it in you."

"He talked to you about me?"

"Of course he did… and he knew you changed in the past months, he said you were happier and more open."

"He was right." Sully admitted.

"What happened?" Jennifer asked, already half asleep.

"I got a friend." He answered. "She changed me, made me open up, allowed me to let go of the past." He said and only then noticed that Jennifer was asleep. He got up, knowing she needed good nights sleep, he took her into his arms and carried her to her bedroom. Pulling the covers over her so she wouldn't get cold, he made himself comfortable on the couch.

He couldn't sleep at all. But unlike when he lost his wife, he didn't feel so lost. He was in pain and knew that it would take time. But he had something to hold onto now, he wouldn't just run away again. No, this time he would stay.

There was a thing bothering him though. Admitting out loud that Andrea Herrera changed his life was a big thing and he wasn't ready explore that. She was his subordinate. She used to be the biggest thorn in his side, he couldn't stand her and would gladly have her transferred somewhere else. But shift after shift, coffee after coffee it was different. There was something about her that wouldn't leave him alone. And so he found himself opening up to her. Testing the waters he thought he would never test again in his life.

After losing his wife he closed himself up. He couldn't stand Seattle so he left and he didn't want to come back. Ever. And yet he did. And now he was here, thinking about someone he shouldn't be thinking about, juts after losing his best friend.

He cared about Andy. He knew that. He cared even before he truly started to like her and enjoy her friendship. When they were getting that old lady from her apartment and the whole place almost fell on Herrera, he pulled her out in time but deep inside him there was that warning bell ringing like crazy. He didn't listen to it.

That day when they woke up on the bottom of the ravine and he couldn't feel his legs, he found out a new side of her. She was hurt and had concussion, she was worried about their patient and she still managed to pull herself together, crawl outside the Aid Car through the window, clean the back of the car, get a portable stretcher, then she secured him, got his door to open, got him out onto that stretcher, strapped him in, fixed him so he wouldn't disturb his spine any more, she pulled him to the back of the Aid Car and then managed to get him up in there so he would be sheltered, covered and safe. She did that on her own, worried and scared and as he found out later, with two cracked ribs and bruised shoulder aside from the concussion.

He opened up to her back there, lost and worried and she was there to pull him through it. She also gave him piece of her mind for not listening to her and disturbing his spine even more when he tried to help her crashing patient.

She was so strong and yet so fragile that it impressed him and he was so curious about all the other sides of Andrea Herrera. Today he saw one of those, he saw her come out from her comfort zone, hold his hand in front of everyone just because she needed he needed the support, because she could understand the pain he was feeling. And then again when he crumbled in her arms, the force of the grief hitting him square in the chest, making him loose his footing. And she was there and he didn't even say thank you.

He didn't know what was bigger irony. That he, whom his crew used to call Captain Fire Grinch, thinking he didn't know about it, cared about a firefighter… or that after the hard time he gave Luke about Hughes he admitted to him that he might be feeling something to Andy. And that was even before she showed him she was truly a friend ready to be there for him.

Exhaustion caught up with him and he didn't even remember falling asleep.


	3. The day after

Okay have you read the last interview with Vernoff about Station? Let me quote: _"I kept coming back to this image of sweat and soot and feeling like that needed to be a thing on this show, that it needed to feel grittier in all ways," Vernoff continued. "The friendships are really more complicated this season. People are a little less polite this season, a little less kind, a little more competitive and dirtier, literally and metaphorically." And now I should write this fic and wait the last few hours to see the new episode of Grey's where something happens that will continue on 23rd January? That's just so evil!_

_**Note** – yes, I don't think only one night passed between episodes 15 and 16, so I made it two. Because then another and there's the funeral and to organize something so huge takes time..._

* * *

The morning came and found Sullivan on the couch, he ached all over. He didn't remember falling asleep. He checked the clock, it was still early but he was so used to getting up at this hour that he almost never slept in late.

He looked around and wanted to go to the bathroom when he noticed Jennifer in the kitchen. He got up and walked over to her.

"Hey..."

"Robert. Morning."

"Should I ask how are you feeling?" He wasn't sure. He hated that question.

"I don't know. I..."

"Jennifer." He wanted to comfort her but she stopped him.

"I should be devastated. I should lie in bed and cry and look horrible and everything should feel wrong and lost and broken." She said and it caught him by surprise.

"But I don't feel that. I am sad, I am grieving, I miss him like hell but I should be more devastated." She said, tears in her eyes.

"Jennifer you don't have to be a wreck when you lose someone." He tried to reason with her although he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.

"I was when we lost parents."

"You were young."

"You were, when you lost Claire."

"Jennifer... you can't compare this."

"Does it mean I didn't love him?" She asked and then it hit him. That's what she's been worried about.

"No. It doesn't. You loved your brother and he loved you and we both know it. Just because you cope differently this time it doesn't mean it's wrong." He said and she hugged him quickly.

"Go, take a shower, I'll start some coffee, okay?" She replied and he knew that she needed her space and he needed that damn bathroom.

Andy and Maya in their apartment were tiptoeing around each other, still unable to talk. There was that big elephant in the room with them with Gibson's name. Besides they were concerned about Vic. But just as they were about to open the debate about one of them staying at home that day, Sullivan all texted them that they had a day off. As Ripley was close to them and to one of them especially, the department advised him to keep the Station 19 closed for the day and that the dispatch would handle calls that would usually be theirs to other close-by stations.

So that was settled.

Both women were quite nervous around each other and so Maya said she would go out and Andy didn't complain.

Vic was still in her room and Andy just sat down on the couch, coffee in her hand, she sat there and couldn't decide if she should call Sullivan or not. But she guessed he was with Jennifer and she didn't want to disturb them.

They day passed them by, all were lost in thoughts and didn't really know what to do. So when the next morning came and they could finally go back to work, they were actually happy. It was better to have something to do, something to focus on.

Everyone had a moment to think that morning, everyone needed to be alone and come to terms with everything, that happened. But in the end they were all back at the Station and they all needed that most of all.

Andy was nervous like hell and when she walked pass Sullivan's office the third time, she finally stepped inside. The first two times she didn't really have an excuse to do so but now she had.

"It's almost time for shift." She told him and he checked the time and looked so exhausted.

"I lost track of time." He said, still not looking into her eyes. He felt so drained after the heavy work-out he had this morning and after second night on that horrible couch of Jennifer's. He was exhausted and wanted to go and lie down. He tried to look strong for everyone else but right now he didn't really have to. It was Herrera after all.

"Haven't heard from you since the hospital." She said before she changed her mind about it. She didn't want it to sound like accusation. She was just worried about him.

"I'm sorry. I've been helping Jennifer with the arrangements." He answered all too quickly. But well, it made sense. And finally he looked up at her and she could see the dark circles around his eyes, she could tell he's been crying as he looked kind of the same two days ago in that hospital room. She felt such sympathy for him, She still tried to be the perfect Lieutenant so she had to maintain some distance. Otherwise she would probably walk over to him for some contact.

"The department sent over a checklist a mile long." He continued. "She asked me to give the eulogy." He said and Andy couldn't imagine anyone better to do that. She even smiled. It had to mean a lot to him.

"Any advice?" He asked as he showed her the blank paper. He felt so empty he could hardly come up with a single word.

"Wrong person to ask. Speeches are not my thing. Funerals aren't either." Andy replied, getting nervous. What was she doing? What was going on? She was saved when his phone buzzed.

"Everything okay?" Andy asked, looking worried as he suddenly stood up. She almost forgot how tall he was. He showed her the screen of his cell phone.

"The wildfire that hit L.A. earlier this week has progressed. Crews are requesting backup supplies. Seattle stations are organizing a caravan." He gave her the summary. Andy caught herself looking at him while he talked. Has his arms always looked like that? It had to be that t-shirt. He should take that off. No, definitely not, she argued with herself. Where was her mind taking her? Well he should change into his work clothes because this was just too personal and she couldn't handle personal.

"Well, I'll handle it... " she offered, happy to have something to do and a reason to walk away. "And whatever else. I mean, you... you have a lot going on right now. And the work will be good for me... for everyone. Take our mind off things." Yep, definitely.

Sullivan was watching her and noticed she wasn't entirely herself but well after the events of past days one could hardly blame her. For a moment there he thought they were about to talk about what happened in the hospital but they stayed strictly professional and that was good. He could handle that. When he imagine trying to explain or apologize for breaking down in her arms, that was a whole other thing.

She was looking at him with compassion and it warmed his heart. She was a real friend, wasn't she?

"I appreciate that." He replied and couldn't resist. "Hey, uh, you mind taking a crack at this eulogy for me, too?" Sullivan asked her and his own face betrayed him as he instantly smiled at her. Damn!

"Like I said, wrong person to ask." Andy didn't budge but smiled back at him before turning away and leaving.

Sullivan sat down back to his chair and despite the heavy load he felt inside his chest he also felt something different. He thought back to what he had told Luke and couldn't stop thinking about it for some time which wasn't helping him to write that eulogy.

Everyone had something on their minds that day. Everything about Vic and the funeral, about the wildfire and the supplies, everything that was happening around them was bring them down and it took them a lot of strength to stay up.

Everything was okay till Ryan showed up with those boxes. Of course it was nice of them to pitch in but picking that exact moment to tell Andy he would be leaving town? That was a bad call. She faced him and didn't know what to think. Was she losing her friend? Or did she feel more still? They talked and her brain caught up when he said "And you and Sullivan. That's also great." That woke her up.

"Me and what?"

"Weren't you two holding hands at the hospital?" Ryan asked and she had to think hard if he saw them in that room or what? But then she realized he had been there with the crew. So he meant the gesture of comfort back then. He noticed?

"No. That's not." Andy started. "I mean yes, we were, but." She tried to continue. Yeah, they were holding hands, so what? Doesn't have to mean anything. Or does it? "No, that's no." She quickly added for both herself and Ryan.

"Okay." He said but she could tell he didn't believe her one word. "I guess maybe I misinterpreted. My mistake." He finished but the look in his eyes gave him away. He thought they were having an affair or something. Damned! She just offered comfort as his best friend was about to die. Was that crime?

She couldn't think about it anymore as there was a call for Aid Car and she had to go.

That single call made Andy realize that she hasn't been coping that well. And that maybe exactly because of that she was so keen about helping Sullivan. She didn't want to think about her own emotions. She didn't need to, didn't want to. She had to focus on somebody else, on something else, anything but herself.

She would always hear that damn bell ringing and now she would be coming to another funeral to hear it again. It was a beautiful sound and tradition but she hated that bell.

Back at the Station Sullivan changed and started to help the others with preparations. He felt better here than before, the station was his home now too, the crew took him in despite everything. But with all that effort he finally managed to find his spot among them and he was so proud of them. And of himself kind of too. He changed. This place changed him. These people.¨

He was just helping Montgomery and he was the perfect person to ask.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" He started, making it clear it was not work related.

"Depend on how personal. I'm pretty much an open book, but there are some things I like to keep private. Like my birthmarks, for instance..." Montgomery tried to joke and Sullivan actually appreciated it. And so he told him about his issue and asked for help which wasn't easy and they both knew it very well.

When Andy was trying not to lose their patient because of a stupid chandelier, Sullivan called Jennifer and asked her to come over which she did. It was about Vic after all. And so they talked.

In the meantime Andy stood in the corridor at the hospital and Warren had to calm her down. He was actually good at that. He was such a steady presence. She realized once again she didn't really want to lose him to Medic One. He was one of them. He shouldn't be leaving despite the fact they all knew he had it in him to do this job and that he wanted the change to save his marriage and family. They still didn't like it.

Back at the Station Andy told Warren to go home to his wife that she would clean up the Aid Car. He didn't want to leave her but she insisted. She could finish up by herself, occupy her mind a bit again.

Sullivan stayed at the Station, he didn't want to leave till all his people were back and besides they were still going through the supplies and all the preparations.

When he noticed Andy was alone he knew he wanted to talk to her. She was the closest to him there and he needed her friendship right then. Needed to be close to her because somehow she kept him steady at the hospital and as Jennifer felt different, he did too. He was in pain and felt the loss but it wasn't that dark as before.

So he walked over to her and when she looked at him and smiled softly, in that way she could, that way that made him feel like everything would be okay, he knew he could tell her anything. She needed her honesty and understanding.

"Some call, huh?" He asked as he had no idea how to start.

"I don't think you'd believe me if I told you." Andy replied and was actually happy to see him. But he seemed troubled and concerned. "How's the eulogy going?" She asked as she guessed he was there because of it.

"It's not." He admitted in defeat. "I think I'm just too close to it. Nothing sounds right." He said, emotions running wild through him. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, he thought. Looking at Andy he saw the right level of sympathy there.

Andy didn't know how to help him but there was a thing that had come to her mind. "Did you speak at your wife's funeral?" She asked tentatively as this subject was one of those you had to treat carefully.

"Yes, I did. Or I tried. Started off okay but then I just lost it." He admitted and this time felt on shame about it. He wasn't himself then. Andy seemed to understand.

"Barely even remember now. I think I was really raw, you know?" He tried to describe it. She looked at him and opened up her soul for him to see. She was there with him. He wasn't alone to face it.

"Did you speak you your mom's?" He asked out of curiosity. She looked at him like he was little crazy though.

"I was nine, so I didn't speak. I don't think I spoke the whole day." She told him, trying to remember the deep painful memory of that day. He chuckled at his own stupid question. Oh he wasn't on the top of his game indeed.

"Barely." Andy continued. "I was raw too. Still am." She admitted. Well it was the truth. When it was about her mother or attending a funeral of someone close, her emotions were all over the place and it was very difficult to talk about them. She had actually talked about this only to Maya and now to him. Something she thought she would never share again.

Andy gathered up her courage, knowing the proximity might be helpful and moved up to sit next to him so close they were almost touching.

"So use it. Be raw if you need to be raw. You don't have to write a word or read a word you write. Just get up there and talk. Talk to him. It doesn't matter, not when it comes from the heart." She told him and didn't know when it stopped being only about him and the eulogy. This was about her too.

She saw the emotions in his eyes, on his face, how he still played with his fingers to keep the occupied and knew that it was very difficult for him. He smiled at her sadly and it touched her deep inside. Did indeed something change in that hospital? Or even before and she just failed to notice?"

Well she did notice, of course. She just didn't think it meant anything. Not till she started working out with him in the gym. There it was so different. Hearing him laugh and tease her, feeling his touches... she failed to notice or did a good job at suppressing it. But there was something going on and she had this feeling in her gut telling her to either back off now or be ready to fall – for him.

Seeing him so sad and raw as they agreed, she pushed it all aside. Now was definitely not the time. She noticed how he was watching Hughes.

"I just hope Vic will be there to hear it." She added and he could agree to that. Well they tried. Now it was up to her. Or if anybody could get through to her.

"Yeah." He said. "Thank you." He told her. And he would never understand what made him do it, he reached over and squeezed her hand. Andy was surprised at first but then she squeezed back and didn't mind it one bit.

One part of him wanted to say ask her if she would keep him company, one part of him wanted her company and help but there was the other and that part was not ready for it. Besides this was not a good time to be getting closer to Andy. This was hard on all of them, emotions were running through the roof and he didn't want to make any mistakes, didn't want to screw this up. He still wasn't sure what it was anyway.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He said then and reluctantly let go of her hand.

"Yes. You will. Good luck and try to get some sleep, okay?" She told him and with one last smile she left. They all needed to get some good night's sleep.


	4. The wake

_I have no idea how to write after the last episode of Grey's. If you haven't seen it, watch it. But beware. The next two months will kill you._

* * *

Sullivan thought he would get some sleep but it seemed he couldn't. Jennifer wanted to be alone so he was staying at his own place. Not that he minded, that couch would haunt him in his sleep for a couple of weeks anyway.

But instead of sleeping he was wide awake. Lying in his bed, on the top of the covers, he kept on staring at the ceiling like he wished to find some answers there but it was of course absolutely hopeless. He was tired but he couldn't sleep.

There was one thing on his mind. Well aside from the funeral tomorrow of course. Andrea Herrera.

It caught him by surprise that he almost asked her to keep him company couple of hours ago. Where did that come from? Okay so he could admit to himself, that he cared about her. She was his friend and he knew he could trust her even with personal issues. In which she also trusted him as she showed when she came to him after finding out about Bishop and Gibson.

That part still bothered him a bit. He tried not to picture that in his head. Bah.

But it was Andy. The woman that wasn't afraid to give him hell and although she was not as tall as him she could stand proud and straight and let him know what she thinks. She was a puzzle to him and when realized that he had to try to get to know her better because she was his best shot at getting along better with the rest of the crew, he felt like banging his head against the wall. He wasn't afraid to say he didn't like her at first. Not one bit. But in time he got to understand her better. And Pruitt was right, with her being friendly with him others weren't so cold either.

He knew he changed, he had to learn to open up and share his life with his crew. He didn't want to, it was too dangerous. But Luke told him that 19 was unique, the crew was one of a kind and the way Pruitt raised them was something he wouldn't get to see anywhere else. So crawling out from his shell he took a leap of faith and it paid off.

At first he just didn't want to fail at his job, he was there to put the 19 back together after the Skyscraper fire. But then it turned into more and he found himself drawn to those people. He could relate to them, he liked them.

He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when it changed for him but one day he found himself smiling more, joking and then when he showed up at Herrera's apartment with that bottle he knew that it was the right thing to do. He was so scared back then. He wanted to walk away and pretend he had never come there in the first place. But he promised her he would show up. And maybe she didn't believe him and maybe she didn't think he would but he showed up. And it was so awkward and he felt so stupid. But his gut was telling him that he was right.

He was worried of course and still didn't really like it but the more he gave to his people the more he was getting in return. And it was not so difficult to relate to them, to open up, share a bit about him.

When he woke up from a very explicit dream about ... well Andy, after one of their first workouts in the gym, he had troubles looking her in the eye. And he could barely stand himself. It was something he never shared with anyone, but every since he lost his wife he had been on his own. No women. No one night stands. No booty calls. Nothing. He loved his wife and he just couldn't bring himself to be with anybody else. Till that night when he woke up, his heart beating wildly, his blood pumping. He would probably never be able to erase the image of Andy against the wall in the gym falling apart in his arms. How could he?

In about a week they met in the gym again and it took all his willpower not to blush.

Back home sudden wave of guilt hit him. And it was not the guilt about having a dream about his co-worker and subordinate. It was the guilt about cheating on his wife. Sure, she was dead and he was not but still even after all those long years he couldn't just justify it. And he had no one to talk to about it. He missed having a friend.

In time, call after call, coffee after coffee he realized that he was a different man, happier, more content and satisfied with his life. And it had something to do with her. He wasn't sure if she had noticed but when she was around him, he felt like he could breathe again. One of the moments that stopped him dead in his tracks was the day they found the baby in the bag at the station. It reminded him of all he had lost when his wife died. He thought he would have a couple of kids and instead he was all alone. When he could hold the little guy, he was nervous. But then at some point he just took him in his arms and cuddled him and to his surprise that little bundle fell asleep. He held him and it was so easy to imagine being a father.

He walked through the station, enjoying the warmth spreading through his chest, inhaling that baby scent he never got to smell, watching him make faces in his sleep and also stopped by at the room where Andy was with that girl. When she saw him something in her changed and that look she gave him was priceless. He loved that look. He really did.

It also reminded him of the age difference between them. She was so young with future ahead of her. And he ... well.

Thinking about all that led him to that day when he agreed to go on hydrant check with her. He would never admit it but he was happy to go with her so he could spend more time with her. He enjoyed her company and knew very well that it was not just because she was friend. Nope. He simply liked her. He wanted to be close to her. And it scared him.

So when she held him while he cried in his grief in the hospital, when she said 'I'm here' he broke down. He knew he could. Not that it mattered. He would probably anyway. But she was there to catch him when he fell. And after tonight, after wanting to hold her hand and asking her to come with him because he needed her to get through this, he knew he was a fool when he thought that all that he had felt was nothing.

It was not nothing. It was something. He had a soft spot for her. She occupied his mind and heart and although one small part of him was still thinking about his wife, there was another part that felt alive again, finally, after all that time. And it was just cruel that she was his subordinate. What was he supposed to do?

Andy was with Vic and Maya at home. They were all pretty rattled and although they knew they needed to get some sleep for the whole ceremony the other day, it was difficult. They stayed up most of the night, lost in thought, watching tv and yet not paying any attention to it. They fell asleep around 3AM and getting up at 6 was horrible. As before Vic wasn't there.

The morning at the station was so emotional, the air so thick and heavy, Andy could hardly breathe. She hadn't seen Sullivan but she guessed he was with Jennifer. She looked at Maya and wanted to give her a hug and forgive her everything because funerals were so horrible she just couldn't take it.

Everything went on smoothly, they all were very emotional. Andy didn't know where to look, what to focus on, she just didn't want to be there. Someone from the department spoke, people came and she knew her father was there, as well as Ryan, and she got to talk to Maya. But she felt like she was losing her footing till she locked her eyes with Sullivan.

"To me, Lucas was a true friend. We really saw each other. We understood each other. Strengths and flaws. We fought. We made up... thankfully, not too late." She was listening to his speech and felt like crying again. It was coming from the heart.

But then their eyes locked and when she heard him say: "Sometimes you connect with a person, and you can't always explain it. Over distance and time and impossible obstacles, you still find a way to each other. It's so rare to meet someone who connects with you that way. Someone who makes you want to face your fears head-on, eyes open." She loved that.

Little she knew that part was not just about Ripley. It was at first but when Sullivan realized she was watching him, when he saw her beautiful eyes, the words came willingly and on their own. He had connected with her. She made him face his fears and overcome them. She made him better. As did Lucas when he gave him the chance.

Afterwards in the bar Sullivan stayed aside from his people. He wanted to be there but he wanted the distance. The whole thing was really difficult for him and he couldn't shake it off. Saying goodbye to Luke was one thing but realizing that he might be having some real feelings to a woman from his crew was another. He knew he liked her before but today it hit him so hard he didn't know what to do with it.

It was a surprise when Ryan came to talk to him but he had to admit that he was not a bad guy. He could understand why Herrera said they've been friends for years, since childhood actually. There had been some misunderstandings between the FD and PD so when Ryan said "You're all right" he felt good about it. So maybe he wasn't that bad and could get along with people. Well, now. He couldn't before.

His mood lifted a bit and so when others came he engaged in conversation. Once he turned in Andy's direction and it wasn't even on purpose and his heart stopped for a second. Nope, he couldn't do that.

In the meantime Andy was talking to Maya. She needed her reassurance. She needed her friend to back her up.

"So, did I tell you the crazy thing Ryan said about me and Sullivan, of all people? He said he thought we were together because of something he saw at the hospital or something." She tried to play it cool. She couldn't just admit that there was little nudging feeling in the back of her head telling her to skip this part and just go for it.

"Yeah, I saw that, too." Maya replied as she could read her friend too well. She knew what Andy was trying to do. She was trying to reassure herself there was nothing going on. But Maya saw it differently. After seeing them hold hands in the hospital she recalled some other moments she had seen them together and there was something about them that wouldn't leave her alone.

For a moment she thought Andy didn't tell her anything as a payback for Ryan but then she realized the sweet truth. Andy was clueless!

"That wasn't anything. We're not... I mean, I'm... I'm definitely not..." Andy argued back but couldn't shake the look Maya was giving her.

"No?"

"No." Andy said and God knew why she turned to look at Sullivan. Maya was watching her and there was that little happy dance she was doing in her mind when she saw that look on Andy's face.

"You sure?" She asked her then and Andy didn't know what to reply.

"I can't. No. It's.. no." Andy tried to reason with her.

"You spend a lot of time together."

"We're friends."

"Sure." Maya said and Andy threw her a look. She kept on watching him talk to others, drink beer, laugh at some jokes about Ripley, he watched him as he shared his stories about him.

"You think he..." Andy asked Maya but then shook it off. "Never mind."

"It's not a bad thing."

"It's nothing. We're just friends."

Maya just aaaha-d and Andy turned back to the counter. It couldn't be happening now could it? Was she really that stupid?

"Look, don't overthink it tonight. We're all really emotional after the funeral." Maya told her and Andy agreed.

"Yeah, you're right."

"We can talk about it tomorrow." Maya suggested and Andy wanted to throw something at her.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"If you say so."

"Maya..."

"All I'm saying is that if there's something going on..."

"There isn't." Andy argued back.

"Because you're just friends." Maya said and Andy just nodded.

"Yes." She said and finished her drink.

Some other people came to them so they talked to them and the evening continued as expected. At some point people started to leave.

"Maya, you don't have to come home tonight. I'll be there to help Vic." She offered and Maya smiled.

"So I'm officially sneaking out to meet Jack?" She asked with a hint of humour in her voice.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're staying?" Maya asked, curious.

"Yeah, I want to say goodbye to Ryan. He's leaving tomorrow." Andy said and although she was telling the truth she could imagine that Maya didn't believe her. She wished her a good night and left.

Andy stayed alone and Ryan came to her. They talked for a moment and said their goodbyes. He asked her if she needed a lift but she was good. She could walk to clear her head or grab a taxi. When Ryan left, she saw Sullivan standing by a group of people. She used that moment to watch him, to take him in. Was Maya right?

She felt lightheaded and tired. She decided to go home. Before she could leave Sullivan appeared next to her, giving back an empty bottle to the counter.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey." She replied. "How are you holding up?"

"Better than I thought. You?" He asked back.

"I'm not sure. I'm tired I think." She replied honestly.

"Come on, I'll walk you home." He offered and Andy wanted to say no but one look into those eyes and she agreed.

Sullivan didn't know how many beers did he have to be so blunt but damned when he saw her there all alone he just couldn't leave her like that. He was a gentleman and he wanted to make sure she was safe at home. He was surprised when she agreed though.

Andy stood up from that stool and turned towards the exit. He put his hand on the small of her back to navigate her and only too late realized that it might not be exactly appropriate behaviour. He knew he had to be very careful, especially now after the big secret about Luke and Hughes was out.

Once outside Andy zipped up her jacket as the cold evening air hit her. They were both silent, just walking together. At some point he offered her the loop of his elbow and she just chuckled and after a moment of hesitation she looped her arm through. It brought her a little closer to him and she wasn't that cold anymore.

"It was a really good eulogy." She said.

"I don't know."

"It came from the heart. We could feel that."

"Is Hughes all right?" He asked as that worried him.

"Yes, she wanted to be alone but texted me she would go to our place." Andy reassured him. "How's Jennifer?"

"Her friend picked her up right after the funeral and took her to her parents to Alaska."

"Wow, long trip."

"Yeah, they've known each other since college and Betty's parents live there. She thought it could be good for Jen. The change of scenery."

"I can imagine." Andy replied, fully understanding. "And how are you?" She asked then.

"Grieving but okay." He replied after a moment and she smiled at him. He was being honest with her.

"So you and Bishop?" He asked to keep the conversation going.

"We talked. We're good." She said, quoting him.

"I'm glad."

"Me too." Andy agreed and realized that this walk, this talk, this whole thing with him, was bringing her peace and that she really liked it.


	5. Walk home

"So you're okay with her and Gibson?" He asked as he just couldn't leave that little part alone. Why was he torturing himself he didn't know.

"Gibson's a friend. So, yeah."

"A friend, huh."

"Oh come leave it." She said with a smile and a bit of frustration in her voice.

"Sorry." He apologized and smiled at her in that way she has only began to recognize. She never saw him smile like that at anybody else.

"Does it bother you?" She asked back.

"That you have a history with Gibson?"

"Or that you didn't know it as an outsider at that time." She supplied and he had to admit that both cut close to the heart.

"Just hard to imagine." He said. Andy snuggled a bit closer to him, as much as possible given their position and the circumstances. She felt like she should say something more but she didn't know what. And before she could think about something, his phone beeped and buzzed and he took it out from his pocket. They stopped walking but Andy didn't move away.

"Damn it." He said.

"What is it?"

"We got called to L.A."

"What?"

"They're requesting more people so every major city around is sending one unit. It's us for Seattle and if needed, 23 will be next." He told her. "I have to spread the word." And hitting few keys he sent the message to his crew. Putting the phone back to his pocket, he just hoped he didn't ruin everyone's evening. The timing was super bad. Little he knew that Montgomery's phone was smashed on the bar floor.

Andy felt her pocket buzz but knew what it was so she didn't even look at it.

"I should get some sleep then." She said and to her own surprise felt sorry about their time together being cut short. She still heard Maya in her head. That was so frustrating! Damn it! But honestly? She knew that this whole situation was not how she would behave with someone else. It was theirs and it was special and despite the funeral taking place that day she felt calm and steady on her feet.

"Me too. I haven't much slept last night." He admitted but still didn't step away from her.

"I can understand that." She said with sympathy in her voice. "Me neither." She added. The wind started to blow a bit more and it moved Andy's hair to her face. Before she could put it away, Sully reached over and tucked those loose strands behind her ear.

That was one of the things she would never even dare to imagine and it made her weak in her knees, butterflies in her stomach, she felt the blush creeping up her neck. Damn! From that one simple innocent gesture? She would kill Maya tomorrow.

Sullivan was frozen to the spot the moment he realized what he had done. Well he truly didn't plan to do that. So he kind of expected her to kick his butt and leave but she just smiled.

"Do you want to grab a taxi?" He asked her, his voice betraying how nervous he had been.

"No, I'll walk. But you don't have to come along. It'll be a long day tomorrow." She offered him but he declined.

"Let's go." He said and so they resumed their walk, together, close. Each lost in thought because this was not standard situation and they both felt like the Earth would open up and swallow them soon.

Andy felt like she should be thinking very hard about all the information she had now, that she should analyze it and consider her options and risk and everything but she couldn't. Her mind was blank. Empty. She just kept on walking, perfectly content with him by her side. At that moment she didn't really need anything more. She wasn't drunk, maybe a little tipsy but that was all.

Sullivan on the other hand had a messy roller-coaster of thoughts in his head and felt so dizzy he could barely walk straight. This was not good. Not. At. All.

The silence wasn't awkward, it was comfortable and they both welcomed it. There was no need to talk.

At some point Andy got really cold. She blamed the exhaustion from the last couple of days. And true, she didn't think she'll be walking home and the wind was for some reason really cold in the evening. She shivered and wished to take a hot shower and go to bed.

"You cold?" Sullivan asked as he noticed how she shivered.

"Yeah, a bit. It's nothing, I'm just tired."

He didn't reply, he just moved his arms so now Andy was leaning against his side and he had his arm around her shoulders. She willingly came closer to his body. Okay so it was way over the line, they crossed it and couldn't see it anymore but she was exhausted and refused to think about things. Not now. She could think and analyze on their way to L.A. That will be hell of a long ride so she didn't have to do it now.

Once they reached Andy's apartment building, they stopped below the front stairs. Andy took a step up the stairs so now she was at his eye level. It was funny that she needed to stand on something so she'd be looking into his eyes. She tried to read him but she couldn't.

"Get some sleep." She told him.

"I'll try." He replied.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She said.

"Yeah..."

"You don't seem too happy about us going down there." She noted.

"I know what wildfire can do and how fast it can get really bad." Sullivan told her.

"We'll be okay." She told him, knowing that especially after a funeral he'd be worried about some of them getting hurt.

He smiled at her and was hanging on by a threat before he would lose it and kiss her. He knew she didn't see him like that. He was her Captain, her friend. He was not anything more and he even couldn't be. But that moment there on those stairs he ... he knew he had to go. It was his problem to deal with.

Andy was watching him, their eyes locked, trying to assess the situation. There was something about him she wanted to explore more, that soft touch and gentle smile, that side of him he kept hidden at work our when somebody else was around. So what, it was a stupid idea to let him walk her home, she knew that now. But she would not regret it. Not now, not today.

Both wanted to say something but neither spoke. In the end he smiled at her, knowing he was acting like a bloody teenager.

"Night, Andy." He said.

"Good night, Robert." She replied and when his look shot up and right through her, she took a deep breath because his eyes were so dark she thought she had to be imagining that. His eyes travelled down her face to her lips and back again and then again and then she lost it.

Grabbing his jacket into her fists she brought him few inches closer and leaned in to kiss him. With her standing on the stairs it was much easier to reach where she needed to. Her brain just stopped functioning. She just acted and didn't think it through. Actually she couldn't think at all. He stood there, unable to move from the shock. She kissed him on the lips. Just like that. Just there. And he was lost.

"Oh God," Andy realized what she had done and moved away very soon.

"Herrera..." He said after a moment, knowing he had to calm down.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I don't know ... I can't explain..." She stammered.

"You don't have to say anything."

"It's been hell of a day. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." She said again.

"Andy." He said then, firmly, stopped her frantic thinking.

"Yes?"

"It's okay." He said and without waiting for a reply he turned around and left. It took all his willpower not to turn around, look back and if she would be still standing there he would probably make those steps and kiss her like crazy. He couldn't remember how it felt, to be kissing a woman, let alone some other than his wife. He couldn't remember the feeling of a woman in his arms, her soft face in his palm but he could remember how it felt when this particular woman held him and let him cry out is pain and sorrow. And now this.

He was falling for her and knew it. He was powerless to stop it. But he was no fool. This was not happening. Not now. Not ever. So he should probably take a step back and let it pass. The kiss was a mistake. She was tipsy and she had a hard day and it was not happening again. Walking home he knew he had to pull himself together because otherwise he was in for some real troubles. Luke told him not to screw this up. And he was not about to. He liked Andy, she was a dear friend and he couldn't imagine not having her around, he got used to her presence.

Now, he'd have to watch it. Especially now.

Andy walked up to the building and felt like she was dreaming. This evening turned to something she would never even dare to guess. First Maya implying that there was something going on between her and Sullivan, which of course made her think and then Sullivan acting not like a Sullivan but like... how to distinguish it? Okay so he was not Sullivan, he was just Robert. He was gentle and caring and smiling and... wow. When he put her hair behind her ear she could turn into a puddle of goo on that spot. No man has ever looked at her like he did. Well Ryan had his own soft look but it was all different with him. He was indeed her safe bet. Sullivan on the other hand was everything but a safe bet.

When he stood by her below the stairs she... she couldn't explain it. Couple of hours ago she wouldn't even think about something like that. But he was there and he was, well he was him and it just happened so fast she couldn't remember moving closer to him. Oh God. She was so screwed. So embarrassed.

Andy got home, read Sullivan's message, set up her alarm clock and went to bed straight after taking a shower. Long shower. She just wished she would get some sleep but after the last few hours her brain somehow kicked in the gear now and was flooding her with innocent memories of innocent moments that in the different light now didn't seem so innocent anymore. It was frustrating!

She was not, definitely NOT developing a thing for Sullivan. She couldn't. Well her lips still tingled but she was not even going to think about that. Nope. She needed something to focus on. So she made a plan in her head. Sleep, alarm clock, coffee, breakfast, pack her stuff and then go to work and drive to L.A. Yeah, she could do that, she had to put it all aside and focus on work. That was the only way.

Oh, Maya would have a field day knowing this. Damn, Maya. They just fixed their friendship. So she should probably tell her about this. But did she want to? Could she? What would Maya say to that? That she knew it? That she couldn't believe it? That Andy was stupid? That Andy was taking a big risk? What... aaaaah, she was so overwhelmed she just plopped down on the bed and groaned in frustration.

She hated funerals.

* * *

_Sorry, shorter one today, will write one more about the moments from the last episode. I debated with myself for a really long time about that kiss but it just felt right to put it there so I did it._


	6. Wildfire

**_Sorry folks for the delay. I've been busy and my kids were ill so there was no time for fanfic. So here we go, last chapter. Sorry for typos! And if all goes well, I have a Christmas three chapter story in my head just waiting to be written and posted. Interested?  
_**

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The early morning found them all nervous from the wildfire. Each of them coping differently with everything that's been thrown their way. But despite the obvious they welcomed the change. So each packed a travel bag and geared up. Their cars were stocked up fully with extra supplies.

When Sullivan came to the Station, it was still at night. He couldn't sleep. Everything that happened in the last few days threw him off so badly that he just couldn't sleep. So he packed his stuff and drove over to the Station. He bunked there and tried to rest as much as possible.

He knew he danced on a very thin line the day before and knew that should it all go wrong it would up to him. He was her Captain and he should have the upper hand on such actions. He shouldn't have walked her home. Shouldn't have been so familiar with her. He shouldn't have opened up to her. He should have kept his distance as he normally would. Well... it didn't really go as he planned. This station was different from the others he used to run. It was special, it had dynamics and energy and there was something unique about it he couldn't pinpoint. But he could understand why Lucas liked it there. It was a magical place and he knew that part of the whole package was the crew Captain Herrera put together.

And so what? So he opened up to his people. He went out from his comfort zone and tried to be part of the team. And it felt great and he started to like that feeling when he came there and no longer felt like an intruder that wasn't welcomed. He liked his crew and grew close to them. He was still learning about how to jingle being their Captain and being a friend but he was managing.

Well just till the moment he woke up one day and realized he was looking forward to seeing Andy. That he no longer found her annoying. That he liked to make her laugh. That he liked it when she spoke Spanish. That he... that he liked her. He tried to tell her several times what she meant to him, how dear she was to him. But till yesterday he had no idea himself! Sure he felt all sorts of things before, especially during certain moments. And he admitted it to Luke and to himself and knew there was something going on. But there was one part of him telling him it would all just pass.

But she kissed him. She. Kissed. Him. And what did he do? Nothing. He was still mentally slapping himself for it although his rational side kept on nudging him that it was for the best.

Given her reaction there was a zero chance of them kissing again so he actually regretted it. All fell into place. All pieces of the puzzle put together. She meant a lot to him. For the first time since Claire's death he felt alive inside. Alive.

No, it was a good thing nothing happened yesterday. He wouldn't want it to happen like that.

When morning came Warren was the first to be there. So he helped him load the rest of their stuff and they talked. Like friends would. Normally. And again it felt good. Sullivan even told him about the call from Medic One which was something he wouldn't a year ago. He was making progress. If only he knew how to talk to Andy before their trip. Or if he even should. He felt like a damn teenager!

Andy came to the Station and heard Maya and Gibson laughing. It was a nice sound actually. Then she met Maya in the corridor.

"Hey."

"Morning."

"Everything okay?"

"What? Yeah. Sure." Andy replied.

"How did it go yesterday?" Maya asked. Andy looked like a deer caught in the headlights for a moment and that got Maya's attention.

"How did what go?"

"Well I was talking about saying goodbye to Tanner but now it seems like something else happened. Wanna share?" Maya asked, curious with a broad smile on her face.

"Nothing happened." Andy said, deciding she'd keep her little secret to herself for now. She can tell Maya later, right? It was bad enough that it kept her from getting enough sleep. She didn't need it to ruin her day as well. Especially this day.

"Sure." Maya replied, not believing her.

They both walked to the garage and met others, loading their personal bags and gathering courage for both the long trip and the fire that awaited them there. Andy was unsure about what her reaction would be once she saw Sullivan or better how would he look at her. She was nervous as hell. She slept poorly, her head going hundred miles per hour trying to make heads and tails from everything. But she always came back to the same thing. She kissed Sullivan. When she tried to analyze it she got stuck. When she tried to ignore it, it came back. When she tried to see her possible choices, she came up empty. So now being at the Station and knowing she would have to face him and that there was the 22 hours long trip ahead of them was really difficult.

They met for the first time with the rest of the crew. Sullivan tried not to look at her when he spoke but he couldn't help it. His eyes would always found her in the crowd.

" Everybody. I have something to say. I've experienced wildfires in Montana. Skies will be clouded, ash will be falling, you will feel the heat for miles. The wind dictates the fire. But what dictates our survival is us, this team. Each of us, together. I know how intense it'll be in L.A. That's why I wanted to say to all of you now, while I can... Thank you, in advance, for facing what you're about to face. We lost our Chief and our friend, but we are all still here. Reporting for duty. And I'm very proud of that."

Andy listened to him and realized that the wild storm that was inside her just a minute ago was gone. His voice and the words he said calmed her down. Like they usually would when she needed to. How did he do it?

She heard him telling Vic they'd be leaving in 10 minutes so she doubted they would get a chance to talk. And right now she didn't even know if she wanted to. Was there a point? She was obviously going through something confusing and he was the centre of it. She needed time to think before making any decisions. She saw him walking to his office, packing last of his things from the table and when she was about to turn around and leave, he looked up and their eyes locked onto each other.

Well, screw it.

She walked over to him, knocked on the door frame although it was pointless as he saw her coming. He sat down on the edge of the table and waited. He wasn't sure about what to say so he just waited. Maybe Andy would start the conversation.

Little he knew Andy was thinking the same. And so they were there together in silence. In a minute she bit her lip nervously and smiled.

"Good speech." She said when she felt like she had to say something finally. He smiled back at her but was at loss for words.

"Captain?" She asked then.

"Yes?" He asked back, on full alert.

"Are we okay?" She was so nervous but it occurred to her that this was what bothered her the most. She grew to like him and enjoy his company, she considered him a friend and found herself opening up to him even about personal things, like about her mother's funeral and she was afraid that with that kiss last night she screwed it all up.

"We are." He replied. Andy nodded and wanted to leave. But she stopped at the door and turned around again.

"It is." She said out of the blue.

"It is what?" He asked, perplexed.

"It is a bright spot, that you're here." She clarified and he realized she had never answered his question that day. Andy left and he had to remind himself not to grin like an idiot when he was taking his crew to face a wildfire.

They split the cars so women rode in one and guys in the other. For long roadtrips that was one of the best solutions. Sullivan would probably protest before but now he knew his crew and knew the guys needed the space as well as the ladies.

One part of him wondered if they would be discussing women's stuff his wife would always talk about to her best friend. He used to be curious but she explained to him that there were things he didn't have to hear or know about. And when he argued he was her husband, she told him "exactly." But as he knew Bishop, Hughes and Herrera, they were talking about wildfires of some new tech equipment.

Andy tried to get some sleep but it was pointless. So when it was Maya's turn to drive she took out one of her books and started to read. She ignored the world around her and just read. Everytime they switched she would shut everything off and focus on her reading. And then Maya dropped that bomb on Vic telling her about her and Jack. Andy knew about it so she wasn't surprised and wasn't really listening.

"Herrera, what about Sullivan?" Vic suddenly asked her and her heart skipped a beat. She looked up and didn't miss Maya's curious look.

"What... about him?" Andy asked carefully as she wasn't paying attention before so she didn't really know what was Vic asking her.

"What is his take on two of his Lieutenants hooking up? You're buddies now. What's he think?"

Andy felt the huge weight being lifted from her shoulders. So this was the issue.

"Um, no idea. Never discussed it." She replied and ignoring Maya's look she got back to her book. Damn! For a moment there she thought Vic knew something. Really, what was wrong with her? There was nothing to know, nothing to tell, nothing to share. Right?

Sullivan actually enjoyed the ride with the guys. They talked about everything from sports through Warren's Medic One questions to new tech and they didn't talk about women at all which suited him just perfectly. Well till the moment Gibson told them about his relationship with Bishop. He had to play it cool because he officially didn't know about them.

It didn't bother him. It's been going on for some time now and it hadn't affected their work so why would he care? They both knew how to act, what to do and what not to do. So he was okay with it as long as they kept it private. What would Gibson say if he knew that Andy had told him the moment she found out herself? That made him grin. Oh wow. He had it bad.

When Warren advised Gibson to use protection, he even laughed out loud. He had a unique crew indeed. He just hoped nothing bad would happen to them here in L.A. The wildfire was a beast and he wasn't ready to face another loss.

The day went by and they were all working through the fire. Situation was getting worse and it was exactly that he had been worried about. Wildfires can change so rapidly that it could caught them surprised and unprepared for it. He was actually glad when they regrouped in that one house because it was certainly easier to keep them safe like that.

Sure, having to deal with their accidental victim was really bad. And as he saw how badly Warren took it, he knew he should talk to him. He didn't want to question his judgement before. But he knew that unauthorized amputation in the field would cause a lot of troubles for Warren. He admitted though, that should he be in Warren's shoes he might not have had the courage he did. And their victim would bleed out. Warren was a good man and it was some sick twist of fate that he had to face something like that. When he tried talking to him he could see the guilt eating him up alive.

"He has a life because of you. Hold onto that." He told him and hoped Warren got the message. His Captain was proud of him and his decision, he had his back. But it was damn difficult indeed. He hated the wildfire.

Before they could talk some more, Andy came, concern written all over her face.

"We should start our sweeps. Check for any flare ups, more embers, anything. I-I thought I'd go first." She said. She needed to get out and she felt useless here in the house.

"I'm going with you." Sullivan replied without even stopping to think about it. He was not about to let any of his people walk alone into that hell outside. Let alone Andy. Not going to happen. And so they took their gear and walked outside together.

They managed to check couple of houses but could see that the situation was changing rapidly.

"Do you see that?"

"Yeah, it doesn't look good." He replied. "Let's head back." He suggested.

"I agree." She agreed although she didn't have to as he was her Captain. He just smiled a tiny little bit and they turned back to the house where rest of the crew had been staying with their two victims.

The wind changed and Sullivan felt the heat and the difference. He tried to urge Andy to move faster but knew it was a futile attempt. He just didn't want to admit it to himself, that one of his nightmares was coming alive.

"We won't make it back in time."

"We'll find coverage in that house." They agreed and tried their luck.

Sullivan tried to kick out the locked door but something was wrong. When he hit the thick wood material he felt a sharp pain in his knee. Great. Just what he needed, really. He felt so green. Like he didn't know how to kick a door open!

When it was obvious the fire would get to them they found the pool. And so without a word they stripped from their gear and jumped into that pool. And it was just in time as there was a huge flare that crossed over their heads.

Andy started to panic. They were under water. That water could get really hot. And the air above it would probably burn their lungs. And there was still the fire as well. They were about to die. They would either drown or burn alive. She looked at Sullivan, looking for help, for that steady beat he could give her life sometimes. She held onto him literally for dear life.

When he realized that she was scared he knew he needed to calm her down. They didn't really know for long they would have to stay underwater. When she gripped him he knew he had to do something. But what when he couldn't talk to her?

And so he put his hand closer to her face and when she didn't move away he just put it there onto her cheek, his thumb stroking her skin, that soft delicate skin. He looked into her eyes and bared his soul to her. He had to let her know how much she meant to him if they were about to die, right? Andy saw something in his eyes and made her smile and nod and he just wished they could talk – or better to kiss. He would kiss her if only to let her know they were both alive.

Andy looked up and saw the fire was gone. So she swam upwards to the surface. Sullivan followed shortly after her. Above water they talked about the fire and their options. To their surprise their stuff seemed intact. They didn't know how that happened but wouldn't complain, really.

He felt his knee, it hurt and he couldn't really walk. Damned. What the hell was wrong with him? Andy supported him, avoiding eye contact. Whatever she realized down in that pool was making her feel and look embarrassed. He found it amusing, he was curious and he was worried.

When they got to the Engine and found their way out of that hell, he just leaned back to rest. He was watching her and not for the first time wishing they were alone. Oh he had some very vivid ideas about what to do with her in private. It was the adrenalin rush probably. He had to shake it off.

Andy was biting her lip nervously, trying not to look at him. Damned what happened in that pool? She was confused and she felt... warm and safe. He was there and even when he couldn't talk he brought her piece of serenity. And she welcomed it.

Okay so yeah they would have to talk back home. Alone. Right?

Telling goodbye to Ryan was difficult but not as difficult as she thought it would be. Sure, they parted in that bar and this day was a nice bonus, especially given the fact he was the one to link the radios and phones so they could talk about their way out, but it was still difficult.

But she noticed Sullivan talking to her father then, they grinned about something and suddenly the prospect of Tanner leaving Seattle wasn't that painful anymore. He was right before, they have drifted apart a long time ago.

Andy watched Sullivan for a moment but knew she had to look away. Well, she knew it but she didn't. He looked at her then and walked over.

"Will you take Montgomery?"

"Oh. Sure." She said, thinking her father would drive with them but well, being with him for 22 hours in a car was horrible. It had always been horrible. So she was actually glad for Montgomery. Sullivan just nodded and left.

So they could keep it professional. That was good to know.

Back in Seattle everyone left. The Station would be closed for 24 hours, all calls going to other stations around as they needed to get some rest and some sleep after facing the wildfire. Sullivan needed to take a deep breath when he realized that Andy was standing there with him, alone. He felt like he needed to talk to her, he wanted to talk to her. But how? Was he about to cross that line?

Well, true, the line was no longer there.

"Hey, you know, the pool was our second near-death experience. Hey, um, I wanted to explain..." He started not really sure about what exactly to say. But he wanted to explain. He wanted to tell her. He wanted to apologize for inappropriate behaviour. But no words he had seemed right.

"I-I wanted to say something, too." Andy said then.

"Okay, great. You go first." He replied eagerly, happy he didn't have to start this conversation. He was dangerously dancing on the edge of something that could very well become the best or worst thing of his life.

"No, you... y-you wanted..." Andy tried to give him a chance.

"Right, but what... what do you want?" He asked her bluntly, looking into her eyes, trying to tell her that this was as personal as it could get. She looked so fragile standing there, she looked so small and there was something on her mind and wanted to know what.

What did she want to say? He thought about it before he realized that maybe she had been the same facing as him. She didn't know what to say. Just knew she should say something. Apologize.

Watching him open up to her, looking into those warm eyes, she knew she was lost and that all her reasoning was futile. He asked her what she wanted. Don't overthink it, Andy, she told herself. And then he parted his lips a before she could stop her body from moving, it moved her closer to him and locking his arms around him, she kissed him. Hard. And this time he didn't freeze on the spot, he didn't hesitate. He literally took matter into his own hands.

Him. She wanted him. And he wanted her. Could it really be as simple as that?

And so he kissed her back and didn't want to let her go. Ever. They, well more like he, would face the consequences tomorrow. Now he was with a woman that amazed him, woman that led him out of the dark into the light, woman that made him better. Woman that made him feel lost and made him feel found. Woman that moaned into his ear and he forgot absolutely everything.

Andy was a bit worried at first that he would push her away but he gripped her and she could feel his heat. His body pressing to hers, his heart beating madly, his hands shaking occasionally, it was him. Pure and only. And they were there together and she initiated something that might either destroy her or be the best thing of her life.

When he leaned against the shelves and she stood between his legs, she was glad he held her. Otherwise she would have probably fallen as her legs were giving out, the sudden pleasure and something else that she refused to name, being too much to handle.

She knew it was a close call in that pool. She knew it could have all gone wrong. But it worked out because he was there, with her, calming her, leading her out of the dark back to the light. There was a moment when she wanted to stop him and talk to him but then he licked and kissed her neck, holding her hips firmly in his hands, pressing his front to hers and she lost all coherent thoughts altogether.

Talk about a wildfire.


End file.
